In and Out of Touch and Back in Again

Have felt out of touch for a while and been out of touch as a result. Wish I could say it was becuase I've been too busy, out there -- living life, grabbing it by the b@lls, swinging it around and back again, creating up an artistic storm of revolutionary expression. But nope. Small tiny, incremental changes and progress, sure: signed up for voice lessons to get over some issues, have been looking into an improv class and am planning to check it out this weekend. But no big bang, no fantastic leaps in evolution. And it even felt for awhile like the universe had gone quiet. Haven't known what to make of it. Had God/the universe/the infinite given up on me, having tired of all the dialogue and lack of action?


Been feeling so anxious to get "there", constantly checking signs --am I closer? how about now?...how much further, Papa Smurf? I let the noise grow in my head until it felt like it had forced out all the insights/growth/perspective i had gained since the beginning of the year, not just mentally/spiritually/emotionally, but physically as well -- slouchy posture, poochy belly, nagging ache in my left shoulder. What the hell?? Frustration and discontent set back in to the point where Glenn was asking me when my next coaching session was going to be -- I needed it that bad :P. Aside from myself, no ones a bigger victim of my funks than he is :).



I keep forgetting this is all a process, a journey, a road with no destination. Gotta stop checking for signs and start enjoying the view -- not just enjoying it, but having an all out, completely uncharacteristic, gut busting, ROFLMBO BLAST! I can't remember the last time I felt like that (sober ;)).



The theme of fun/LIGHTENING THE HELL UP has been popping up in various places. In my last coaching session, we talked about the "inner child" -- for me this was the last version of me that was in touch with my original center. We talked about ways of setting her loose and letting her express herself and have some fun. Talked a little to Glenn about what we could do to make things more fun in our relationship. Then today, I checked on the assignment for the BPS AYTR class (haven't been keeping up with that at all):

Fun is not universal. Do you find that? It's different for everyone. It's
kind of like being happy in that you have to decide to have fun. You've gotta
lighten up. You've gotta want it. You've gotta be in the mind set of having fun.