Meeting the Goddess Kali

I've just met the goddess kali for the purpose of learning how to "let go of the things I need to let go of in order to move to the next phase of my life." During the course of this meditation, I descended down to the depths of the earth to find myself at the top of a rocky mountain (descended to the top, I know...) and there is where I encountered Kali. I was asked to face my fears, the things that were most standing in the way of my life at the moment. So i summoned up fear of embarrassment, self-doubt, pride/vanity, envy, spite and whole host of other aspects of my character that I thought might be holding me back from fulfilling my greatest potential. The meditation instructed me to ask the Goddess to grant me the knowledge/wisdom/courage to conquer these things and here's what she said: "To conquer, you must accept."

That was totally unexpected! But in a second, I saw that it makes total sense. The minute I accept something, really accept it, there is no way it can have any power over me. I need to embrace all parts of me, even the ugliest parts. In the meditation, I faced the things I summoned, one by one, and absorbed them back into myself. Then they were no longer standing in my way, my path was cleared...I had been the only one getting in my own way. All I had to do to remove the obstacles I perceived in my character was to accept these things as part of my human nature.

After the meditation, I was to create a work of art and then destroy it in order to learn to let it go as part of the process of transformation. But for me, this didn't fit quite right with the advice I was given by the Goddess Kali. It occurred to me, instead of creating something in order to destroy it, I would create something embarassing ugly/displeasing and then put it in a place of honor, so that I could see it everyday and be reminded to cherish every part of me, even the ugly parts. There is never anything standing in my way, exept for the resistence I create against myself.

Prior to this meditation, I was unfamiliar with the Goddess Kali, only vaguely aware of her being known as a "goddess of destruction." I guess she is, but I see now that breaking/tearing down, or conquering through force/coersion, is not the only path to destruction. Ego can be destroyed non-violently, peacefully, through the loving act of acceptance.

Mark My Word

By January 1, 2009, the present tense of the following statements will no longer be fictional:

• My business is virtual.
  
• I work anywhere I want, anytime I want, for as long or as little as I want.
  
• I work with people that totally know their shit, ALWAYS deliver when they say they will, but above all, are FUN to work with.
  
• We laugh constantly while "working," come up with totally original/completely inspiring/innovative business projects that make us TONS of money -- 24x7, with minimal continual maintenance/upkeep. We do this while simultaneously bringing happiness into the world and watching out for the environment.
  
• We meet once a week, face-to-face, to discuss whatever needs to be discussed, assign specific action items to owners and bullshit/have some fun. Apart from this meeting, we're all free to execute our action items wherever/however/whenever we want as long as they are ALWAYS COMPLETE by the next meeting and delivered with quality that meets/exceeds group expectations. Those expectations are clearly laid out in each meeting so that there is no confusion in execution. When in doubt we reach out to each other as necessary ,to clarify.
  
• We spark the creativity, ingenuity and genius in each other as well as with everyone we work with. We catch fire from each others sparks and ignite the fire in others with our passion and enthusiasm.
  
• We only work for clients/contractors that we like. We are successful, not because we are competitive, but because we are collaborative. The money is never more important than the enjoyment we derive from our projects and working with cool people.
  
• We celebrate every success and learn from every non-success. There's no such thing as a failed project, just one that didn't go quite as expected.
  
• I wake up in the morning and tune-in to my original center. I dress and plan my daily activities as inspired by this inner voice. I feel light-hearted, clear-headed and excited about facing the possibilities of each day.
  
• I express myself freely/openly/honestly/authentically. If this means I make colorful use of the words "fuck" or "shit" more times than there are minutes in the day, then so be it. The people around me view it as a lovable quirk, rather than a lack of business polish.
  
• People fascinate me. The opportunity to meet new people excites me. The thought of all the synergistic combinations possible when you bring together unfamiliar entities, in unexpected/uncontrolled/go-with-the flow ways, fires me up.
  
• I walk around fully awake and in tune with the moment. As a result, the world around me lights up and is a constant feeding ground for energy, beauty, wonder, new ideas and inspiration.

Gratitude for This Dissatisfied Heart

It has been a long while, but I found the following in my inbox, from Paulo Coehlo's Warrior of Light newsletter and felt compelled to post it:

Lord, give us always a dissatisfied heart.
Give us a heart where the questions that we never want to ask can be voiced.
Deliver us from our conformism.
Make us able to enjoy what we have, but let us understand that this is not everything.
Let us appreciate that we are good people.
But above all, make us always ask ourselves how we can become better people.
Because if we ask, then it is quite possible that You will come and show us horizons that we couldn’t see before.

I feel like this sums up the journey I've been on since the beginning of the year. The past few months I have definitely been shown horizons that I could not have imagined before. I'm at such a different place now because I opened myself up to the difficult questions that did not want to be voiced. More importantly, I'm learning to tune in to the unadulterated response from God/the universe/the infinite and am letting go of the need to control the answers.

Further down in the newsletter, he tells the following story:

Strolling along the promenade, I hear a young woman saying to another in a very convincing voice: “I’ve programmed my life in the following way...”

That made me wonder: does she take into account things that happen just when we are not expecting them? Has she considered that maybe God has a different plan, a far more interesting one? Has she thought seriously about the hypothesis that, by including other people in her program, she might be interfering in different ideas and projects?

He could very well have been describing me. That how I was, not a control freak by any means, but I certainly felt the need to "be the master of my own destiny." But I'm learning that, not having all the answers, perhaps I'm not the most qualified to be that master. I've just been driving myself nuts with all the planning over people and circumstances that are beyond my control.

Luckily I believe in a benevolent, loving God/universe/infinite to whom I'm willing to hand over the helm. Thinking back, whenever I've unwittingly done this in the past, the greatest blessings have entered with the least amount of effort: meeting my best friend way back in first grade, meeting and falling in love with my husband, stumbling into my current career, finding my life coach, etc.

I feel very blessed.