Rustling in the Ashes...

Work avoidance via the internet AGAIN – a clear signal that I should head the signs/omens (ala Paulo Coelho) that my current job is probably not what I’m meant to be doing…God/the universe/the infinite supports me in this! Proof: the deadline that should’ve passed last Friday has been extended to the end of this week.

Of late, have been very good about avoiding the signs -- everything pointing me in the direction of my doubts/fears, the unknown, undiscovered Personal Legends. My Other has been hard at work plotting, overthinking, analyzing, weighing the pros and cons, going against all the things I’ve so clearly been advised not to do. What is it about this -- my own inner discovery that makes me rebel so fiercely against what should really be very natural and closer to the very thing I’ve been trying to discover, to FIND – ME, my original center?

It is becoming more and more evident that the author of the blog, Crossroads Dispatch, is TRAILBLAZING the path I am attempting to summon up the courage to traverse. Google Reader showed she had a post yesterday titled, “the Initiation beyond our Wildest dreams” but I wasn’t ready to hear it yesterday. It wasn’t the right time.

This morning, I cracked open The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream at the suggestion of a new blogger I recently stumbled upon, in answer to a question I posed in response to one of his posts. I got to the part in the book where the shepherd just earned back double what he had lost on the first day of pursuing his dream. Got to thinking to myself, “Is the pursuit of your Personal Legend really worth all the effort? The trials/tribulations? Why not just be satisfied with the status quo? Is that not sort of a Zen/Buddhist way to approach it?” I can picture myself feeling alright at the end of a perfectly safe, secure, predictable non-exciting existence. I think I can bring myself to accept that. Better that than all the heartache of pursuing some vague, unknown promise of a Legend fulfilled, right?

Then this afternoon, at work, I see the link to that particular Crossroads Dispatch post sitting in my Google Reader again, but this time, I feel compelled to read it. Excerpts that spoke to me:

At some point, you leap. You say Yes, yes, whatever it takes, yes! Yes, I yearn to be whole. Yes, I want to be my real natural Self. Yes, I want galactic peace. Yes, I desire to live the Grand Love Affair with Life itself. Yes, I will not settle for less than that which is every moment embodiment in movement of truth, beauty, grace, power, love, joy, magic, ease.

[My Other, right this very moment, as I am writing this, is now causing me to question what was so clearly evident not 10 minutes ago.]

So I'm saying if you haven't recognize the wakeup call, and said Yes, this blog will appear to be a sputtering marvel of gibberish. I notice two types of people reading and replying: those that are on the fence, and those that have said Yes (although they might be wishing they can retreat)!
…
“And after that final no there comes a yes And on that yes the future world depends.” - Wallace Stevens So there is a fork in my post today. If you are on the cusp, I will be praying and meditating in a vigil all night. My intent will be focused on readers and every person that has ever ever crossed my path & whom yearn for Yes (yet lean towards "Yes, but...") a little boost of certainty and clarity and courage.

[How did she know?!!]

The work of the mystic is to make human beings aware of this possibility, to stand within the doorway of unity and welcome the collective inside.

[Ah, a mystic she is then!]

Most people do not even know that a consciousness beyond self-oriented individuality exists. They do not see the light that is streaming through, the wholeness that is beckoning them. The patterns of our collective conditioning have created a veil which blocks our awareness of what is being given. If we do not know what is being offered, we will not be able to fully participate in its magic, in its new way of being. We will not step through the doorway. Even many spiritual seekers still think in terms of effort, of trials and tests.

[Effort, trials and tests have definitely been on my mind...]

But there is no longer any key needed to open the door. It cannot now be closed. This change is so simple and fundamental it is easy to overlook. It is not a problem to be solved. There is nothing to be learned, no steps to success. Something is being given freely, with no strings attached. All that is required is for each of us to say "yes."" - Sufi master Llewellyn Vaughn-Lee, Working with Oneness

[Here's where it really starts to hit home...(emphasis added by me)]

If you've said Yes, this applies today: "…We no longer have to choose between our most personal yearnings and fulfilling our true destiny, for they are no longer separate. The two pathways have converged into one clear, strong expressway. The first thing we must do is to focus on what we really want. We need to get totally clear on this, by going into the deepest vaults of our heart of hearts and bringing out our most sacred, intimate personal heart's desires and our most precious dreams. Since many of us haven't dared to look there for a long time, it might be a bit difficult at first to discern what you most want...
…
Express out loud the things you most want. Write them down and put them on an altar. Call for them to come into your life. Call for them throughout the day and night. Express your readiness to receive them. Then live your deepest truth on a core level in every moment...And your Wildest Dreams will start pouring in....And please be careful that you don't push them away when they start coming in. Especially if they require dramatic changes in your established lifestyle, which they probably will. Be ready to welcome change without any resistance and be ready to move anywhere!" - Solara's 2007 Surf Report: Beyond Our Wildest Dreams

So I'm taking the plunge down the rabbit hole. There are no if’s/and’s/but’s. There’s only YES.

What seals the deal is she ends her post with the following image.

A phoenix.
Of course.
The phoenix that has been popping up in my subconscious from the beginning of the year.

Her final p.s.: p.s. We shall all rise from the ashes like the Phoenix. We shall all be Shining Ones.