Slacking...

Hmm, guess I’ve been sorta busy this week…or maybe it’s just I’ve been more lax with myself and undisciplined with regard to morning pages and journaling. Missed a couple of morning pages this week (including this morning) because, well last night, I stayed up a little later than usual to work on finishing a project I had started sometime last year. It’s an envelope tag book that I had decorated with MM Couture patterned papers (love those papers!!). But it never felt quite finished because I couldn’t think of what to use it for, so I didn’t want to add too much detail, so I left it until I could come up with something…then this week, I got a newsletter from Jennifer Lee (the life coach that Glenn hired for me for my birthday in 2005) where she was featuring some items that she makes called “wish boxes” and “blessings boxes” and I thought, wow, that would be a great use for that tag book! The “wish box” theme fit the dreamy kind of symbolic, unstructured look that the book ended up with and then I came up with a title for the cover that I think is totally fitting for both my personal tastes and the book's purpose: Wishful Thinking. I’m thinking I’ll jot down notes on all the hair-brained ideas I come up on the drive to/from home (e.g., this morning I thought, wouldn’t it be cool to have a site where you post YOUR dream job? It would be like Monster but instead of employers posting job descriptions for their perfect candidates, it would be people posting descriptions of their dream jobs [I’m talking the really out there type dream job like “adventure travel food critic” or something like that]) and keep them in there, along with the additional stuff that might come out of some exercises I’m considering doing from the The Artist’s Way at Work book. I need to start dreaming on a grander scale and capturing that stuff somewhere…Anyways, I love it and I’m really happy and quite proud of the finished product.

I have another project that I also started last year at the same time as the tag book – a cigar box that I also left unfinished because I couldn’t think of a use for it. I think that would be a perfect fit for the “blessings box” concept – a place where I can put little scraps of paper every night that name what I’m most thankful for that day. If I had that blessings box today, tonight’s slip of paper would read “Ali Edwards.” I read her blog all the time and subscribe to her newsletter. At the beginning of the year, her newsletter included a challenge for picking a single word “to focus on, meditate on, and reflect upon as [you] go about [your] daily life.” I thought it was an interesting challenge, but I thought it would be too much to do on top of trying to find a goal for Heidi’s Year to Remember class. So, I filed that idea away in the back of my mind, hoping I would remember to do it for 2008.

But, as it turns out, as I pondered what to do for Heidi’s class, I found myself constantly thinking back to Ali’s challenge. Soon after I wrote my entry for 01/04 (or was it that same day even?), the word “find” seemed to creep in and lodge itself in with my goal. I still didn’t commit to using it for Ali’s challenge though, because I didn’t think it was cool enough or that it fit exactly what I needed…but the longer it sat, the better it seemed to fit. Still I hesitated…Then today, got another AEzine (Ali’s newsletter) and she sent a link to a site where you could do a search for quotes based on a keyword (http://www.inspirationpeak.com/). I tried it using the word “find” and it came up with 55 responses, almost all of which seemed to hit home and tie back to my goal as I read them. How could I not choose it after that? The universe is speaking (loudly) and I’m going to heed the message. Is that amazing or what??

Other things I did manage to finish include tweaking (in Photoshop) of some pictures Glenn and I took of me working last week – a prereq for this week’s Year to Remember assignment. I also did some additional tweaking on some pics I want to post on the Photoblog site (yesterday’s blessings slips would have read “Photoshop” and “Rhonna Farrer’s frames”). What I didn’t finish: any of the work I needed to finish from last week. I’ve still got all that HR stuff to migrate and the Sales Systems Vision wireframes to complete along with some additional tasks I picked up during the week. I SERIOUSLY have to get off my ass and get shit done, but I’m still feeling blocked and uninspired. I haven’t gotten to the part yet, in “Artist’s Way” where they talk about harnessing your creativity on demand…I don’t even know if there is such a part in the book, but I’m hoping so and I’m hoping it’s coming in the next chapter or so :P.

-- AGR

Family Appreciation

Today was a really great day. We started off by waking early to get to church for the 8am mass. We got there a bit late, but the kids were fairly well behaved – we only got a couple of grouchy stares through the whole service :P.

Afterwards, it was Family Appreciation Day in San Francisco. Mayor Gavin Newsome’s office sponsors the event all over the City, where basically families that are able to show proof of address for San Francisco are admitted free to all sorts of attractions all over the City. Lucky for us, Rose and Rene were free today and also happen to be residents. We met up at the Exploratorium and they got us the green bands that served as the free passes all over the City.

I love taking the kids to the Exploratorium…the looks on their faces as you let them run around and explore to their hearts content. None of the usual “don’t go there!” or “don’t touch that!” – it’s just the opposite and you see grown ups all over the place pointing stuff out to their kids just to see that look on their little faces that they get when they see something for the first time…that look of amazement that is just completely priceless.

We let the kids run around for a couple of hours (got some great shots of the action too :)!), then we took a nice long walk to Chestnut Street to have lunch at Amici’s. I love going out with Rose and Rene and their kids – their girls are almost exactly the same age as our boys, so it’s really cool that we’re pretty much going through the same things and can understand the amount of time it takes to get through a meal with kids or the number of stops you have to make to go to the bathroom or to feed or change diapers. It’s kind of hard when we take the kids with us when we’re out with people who don’t have kids – it can be kind of frustrating on both ends for the single people and us :P.

After lunch, we decided to head to the Bay Aquarium since that was an ordinarily pricey attraction and it seemed like a good deal to get in for free. The kids loved that too! It’s almost like scuba diving. In fact, Rene said it’s exactly like scuba diving except without the pressure :P. So much fun to see the sharks and fish through the kids eyes.

Right after the Aquarium, we headed to the Hard Rock Café to get our parking tickets validated. I consumed way to many calories with the Chocolate Peanut Butter Crunch dessert that I ordered, and we spent way more than the validation was worth with everything else we ordered :P, but it was a nice way to end the evening. Logi fell asleep right at the table while he was still chewing on his hamburger! That’s how exhausted he was from all the fun we subjected him to throughout the day J. Rose and Rene had to leave around 6 for Rose’s mom’s birthday celebration, so we wrapped it up and then Glenn and I took the kids (Logi sleeping in his stroller) for a walk around the Pier before heading back to the car.

Towards the end of the Pier, there was a merry-go-round and Ryland started making all these excited noises and bouncing up and down in his stroller (I love when he does that – it’s so cute!), so Glenn took him for a ride. He just kept looking up at all the decorations at the top of the merry-go-round – again with that awesome look of amazement! I wish I could capture that look on film, but I never seem to get the right shot. It’s indescribable (for me anyway).

On the way home, at one point, both boys were each holding one of my hands. Then, Ryland started kissing my hand like I’ve done to his on a number of occasions. I loved it and it’s a moment that I truly want to remember forever.

Now we’re at home and I’ve just finished straightening up the mess we left downstairs yesterday. Before I headed down to straighten up, I got to hold each little guy in my lap and just breathe in their little baby head smells and feel the contentment of the day. Glenn and the boys are up in our bedroom now. I’m going to join them for a little more family fun before we turn in for the evening.

Synchronicity

Slept though the alarm this morning. Well, actually, I guess that’s not 100% true. I heard and I did wake up, just long enough to turn it off and go back to sleep :P. Stayed up way too late last night reading The Artist’s Way at Work – just couldn’t get myself to put it down. It was one of those times when I felt like God or the universe was messaging me directly through the words on the page. Everything just seemed to be hitting home and melding perfectly with the goal I decided on last night on the drive home. It’s really making me a believer in the whole synchronicity concept.

I started reading when we got back to our house with the boys while Logan watched TV. The Artist’s Way at Work is a book I actually purchased before Logan was born, while Glenn and I were both still working in the City. I bought it at a discount bookstore on a whim. When I tried to read it at that time, I quickly lost interest in the book after a few pages. I couldn’t seem to keep focused on the reading – the words weren’t striking any chords at that time. Then just last week, before I got the email to start the Heidi Swapp BPS class, I looked down at the bottom shelf of my bookcase, where the book had been collecting dust for close to 4 years, and just thought “hmm, maybe I’ll give it another go.”

For me, that’s the amazing thing about books and writing – it allows people to share their thoughts/feelings/emotions/experience with other people without having to be in the same room, country or even lifetime. That’s amazing. What’s even more amazing is that because people are so different and shaped by their own thoughts/feelings/emotions/experience that impact their perceptions and points of view, the same exact words read by two different people can be interpreted in completely different ways. And both interpretations can be right! How cool is that?!

Over the past year, I’ve daydreamed of writing some sort of self-help, advice book that would start off with an intro where I describe the synchronicity of books – how I’m not a professional psychologist or trained psychiatrist, but more of a human nature enthusiast – listening, watching, observing, analyzing, noting behaviors, communication patterns, expressions of emotion; how I am sharing what I’ve observed because “something” compelled me to capture my thoughts/experiences/observations on paper. Later on, someone else may be compelled, perhaps initially attracted by the color combination or visual appeal of the cover, to pick it up and read it. That compelling force is a manifestation of the synchronicity of the universe. The message contained in the pages of a book may not ring true for the person at that point in time, perhaps they’ll let it collect on a shelf somewhere for a bit, but when they or someone close to them comes to need the message, they’ll remember the dusty book is there and pick it up.

Wow, I’m really feeling the affects of not having done my morning pages today. The words and thoughts just aren’t flowing as they did with yesterday’s entry. I find myself hesitating, rechecking, and misspelling noticeably more. I must’ve edited the paragraph above about 50 times! The flow’s just not there. Tomorrow morning, it’s morning pages, first thing, for sure.

Having trouble capturing creative images for my Project 352 Photoblog as well. I’m just not capturing anything that’s visually interesting…I think I’ll have to Photoshop the hell out of something to get it worthwhile enough to post. I’ll start working on that now. Maybe I’ll have better luck with that than I’m having with this journal entry.

-- AGR

Commitments

Lots of journaling and introspection for me in the New Year. Have committed to doing morning pages a la The Artist’s Way and in addition signed up for Heidi Swapp’s Year to Remember class where the first assignment includes journaling as well. I’m used to the introspecting and analysis, I’m just not used to the journaling piece of it. I just think the thoughts and let them go when they will.

In many ways, I think both of these things (the daily journal and morning pages) will be good for me because it’ll allow me to capture and perhaps make some sense of all the stuff that runs through my head on a daily basis. I do a lot of mental processing all throughout the day and it gets lost the minute something distracts my attention. I think I’ve come up with some pretty profound stuff in the past too! But since my memory is for shit :P, I can’t make use of any of it now. This way, I’ll be able to capture both the raw, random stuff in the morning pages and then maybe do something more structured with my journaling.

I’ve decided to do the journaling electronically too (maybe post it in a blog even). I spend so much time in the car, commuting back and forth from Vallejo to Redwood City for work. Since starting at Informatica, I’ve tried several different ways of making use of this time – reading, sleeping, talking to DH (the driver J); I’ve even considered purchasing books on tape or some sort of language CD – but I think journaling will be even better. Especially during our evening commute when it’s too dark for me to read.

I need to decide on a goal that I want to work on for the year…I’m sort of trying to decide between a really practical thing like “Purchase our first investment property” and something more personal like “Find my creative voice.” The second one might be a little challenging to make tangible, but I think I could do it with a little effort. A third idea I’m tossing around that’s kind of a middle-ground is to come to terms with my dissatisfaction at work. That would entail spending the time to do some true, hard soul-searching to find what I really want to do with my life OR finally coming to terms with the fact that I’ve got a good job that I should be thankful for and after accepting that, finding some way of working the fulfillment aspect into it. The end goal would be that by the end of the year, one way or another, I will LOVE MY JOB (whatever that job ends up being).

The more I think about that third option, the more I like it. It’s a problem that’s plagued me for a number of years…almost since I started working. I’ve always been torn because I love the paycheck of course, but my line of work has always sucked up so much time (either due to long working hours or long commutes or as was most often the case, both) I don’t have much left to pursue personal interests. Yep, I think that’s it. That’ll be my goal for the year:

By December 31, 2007, at the very latest, I will wake up every morning with a positive attitude toward (and hopefully excited and looking forward to) the work I will spend my precious day doing. I chose this goal because:

• Life is too short to spend your days dreading what you do
• It will force me to take a good hard look at my job and examine what it is exactly that I find dissatisfying or unfulfilling about my work and address it, OR find a new line of work that better suits me
• It will still allow me the opportunity to explore my creativity, both in my definition of what creativity means and how I express that creativity in my day
• It appeals to both the practical and explorative parts of me
• It will be challenging yet engaging enough to keep my interest for the year.
  

Almost forgot, I also started a Photoblog for a project I stumbled upon online – Project 352. Basically, for the whole year, I’m going to try to take a picture everyday that will visually represent that day. I’m hoping it will be an easy way for me to capture the everyday-ness of life in a creative and hopefully visually appealing way, and help me to notice and appreciate the little things that I too easily overlook and take for granted. I’m also supposed to take a self-portrait at least once a month. I think it’ll be interesting.

I sent a comic strip to Gina today that I found on Danny Gregory’s blog (I LOVE that guy! He’s totally insightful and inspiring at the same time) – it’s a simple cartoon of a roughly sketched guy with just a single speech bubble that says “How much of my life should I devote to contemplating my life?” I thought that was particularly appropriate for the both of us. We both have a tendency to analyze things to death and when we get together, you better WATCH OUT, ‘cause some deep thinking is definitely going to go down :P. Love her to death though, she’s the only person that close to understanding (or really knowing) me.

Also did some searching on Amazon today for books on how to write more eloquently. I didn’t use the right keywords though apparently because the results were totally not what I was looking for. I did come across a really interesting book though (I forget the exact title) that I “searched inside” that talked about the concept of emotional currency – that’s not the phrase they used, but that’s essentially the idea the author was conveying: figuring out what your partner finds emotionally valuable, what makes them feel loved and appreciated. I think that’s an excellent idea.

I asked DH on the way home from work tonight what his emotional currency was. He gave some really good responses that I’ll try to work on providing more of. I’m a little disappointed though that he didn’t ask me the question in return. I didn’t want to push it though because I didn’t want him to think I was just asking him as a segue way to getting him to do more stuff for me. Instead he switched to the topic of work (as he often does). It’s been heavy on his mind lately because he’s been dealing with a bunch of crap at the office. I would truly have to have his job. Seems like a really thankless position where you get scapegoated for stuff that’s totally out of your control. His manager and director are not very supportive either. I hope something better comes along for him so he can get into a better place.

As for me, I’ve had a pretty productive work week so far, coming back from the holidays. I had a ton of crap on my to-do list before I left for vacation and I didn’t finish it because I totally couldn’t focus!! Well I’ve already knocked off most of the list and still have tomorrow to finish off the biggest and most tedious piece which I left for last. I need to get it done tomorrow so my director hopefully doesn’t notice it wasn’t done before I left, and he gets back from his vacation next week.

That’s it for tonight I guess.

-- AGR